Dealing with the Possibility of Death

Broaching the possibility of death, especially with the sick employee, is never easy. When dealing with an employee with cancer, HR experts say you need to take the lead from your worker. If she wants to discuss it, do so. If not, respect her wishes.

Speaking about the possibility of a coworker's death ahead of time to other employees is usually a bad idea, according to Mattern. "When it happens, that is the time you talk about it," he says.

Bottom line: No one's ready. No matter how lengthy the illness, your staff will find it difficult to accept a coworker's death if it does happen. "No one's prepared for an employee's death," says Booth. "No matter how prepared someone is for death, when it actually happens, it's still more of a surprise [to the loved ones and coworkers left behind] than expected."

In her years on the job, Booth has found that coworkers react in very different ways. "Not everyone will get over their grief in the same time frame and people will react in different ways."

When one of her workers died, a manager said he was not going to the memorial service, instead devoting the time to planning a company function scheduled to go on later in the day, and some employees got very upset, Booth says.

On another occasion, one of the workers died on the job, and Booth cleaned off his desktop so the receptionist sitting in plain view of his desk wouldn't be as upset. Her well-meaning action, however, was criticized by other workers, who viewed it as disrespectful.

Now, she's learned that the best approach, when death of a worker is imminent or has just occurred, is to get employees together, acknowledge that everyone grieves differently and at a different pace, and to ask what is needed in the way of help.

As a manager, if you can help workers who want to attend the memorial service or funeral of the deceased worker, that is a plus, Booth says. In one of her previous HR jobs, she recalls, a beloved coworker died after a long battle with cancer. "The memorial was at a local church, and the corporation was balking at paying for a bus to drive employees. The church was on a college campus, it was a bad parking situation and a long walk from the company."

Booth persisted, and got the bus--a kindness that was remembered by the workers.

Accept individual differences. "Everyone reacts differently," Mattern tells managers. There's no cookbook formula for figuring out who's having a hard time coping with an employee death, he adds, and warns that appearances and behavior can be deceiving.

"Some are more stoic and won't show any emotion," he has found. "Inside they are probably hurting as much or more [than the more emotional workers.]"

If you feel overwhelmed, remember you can turn to HR, who in turn can offer some Employee Assistance Program help. Perhaps your workers--or you--need to talk to a social worker or other health care professional about grief and its purpose.

React in a positive way . Grief doesn't resolve overnight, Mattern says. But what often helps comfort people, he finds, is for coworkers as a group, led by you as their manager, to come up with a way to remember the late coworker. For instance, workers might decide to plant a tree on behalf of the deceased worker.

Or, they might decide on a plaque that would name the person, give a few details about their work at the company and would be posted in the lobby or someplace where it could be viewed. When new workers come in, the coworkers could explain who the worker was and why they decided on a plaque to memorialize them.